On Canada

[SaurielOfTheDarkOmen]

These questions about Canada were actually sent to an
International Tourism Website.


1. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how
do the plantsgrow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit
around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?
(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I
follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand kms , take lots of
water. . .

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and
addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver.
(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada?
Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver,
Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo
racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south
of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North
. . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every
Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us
when you get here and we'll send the rest of the
directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir
schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna
Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and
in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the
fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it
in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia
where the female population is smaller than the male
population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada?(USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk
available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter
gatherers. Milk is illegal.

17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who
can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless,
and can be safely handled and make good pets. 1

18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big
horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent
eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You
can scare them off by spraying yourself with human
urine before you go out walking.

19. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to
contact the girl I dated while I was staying in
Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
hour.

20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I
go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.