Un peu d'humour

[Shadowhal]

Q: How do you get a chord from half-orc bards?
A: Ask three of them to play the same note.

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Q: Why do dwarven bards sound better by candlelight?
A: You can shove the wax in your ears.

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Q: How many Elves does it take to light a candle?
A: Three: one to sing, one to dance, one to summon the spiritual guardian of joyous flame forth into the realm material.

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A group of players are sitting around a table waiting for their DM to get his notes together and start the game.
Travis, who plays a rogue, couldn’t attend the last session because of a family event. The DM’s policy is to let another player run the absentee’s character. Travis, doesn’t know who nor does he care. His gaming buds are a fairly trustworthy lot.
Travis: “So what happened last time? Did my rogue get enough experience to finally gain a level?
Steve: “No, actually your character died.”
Travis: “WHAT?”
Nods of affirmation come from the other players.
Steve: “Yeah. Sorry, but your character had an alignment change. He suddenly went from being just plain neutral to chaotic evil. He tried to kill and steal from the group. My paladin had to kill him.
Travis: “No way.”
Steve: “Yeah, the only good thing that came out of it was that my paladin got enough experience to gain a level.”
Travis: “Wait, who ran my character?”
Steve: “I did.”

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A skeleton walks into a bar and ask the Bartender: “Do you serve skeletons here?”
Times being what they are the wily Bartender replies: “sure, we serve anyone.”
The skeleton hands the man a silver and says: “Fine, I’ll have a pitcher of beer…and a mop”

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A Halfling, a Gnome, and a Half-Orc are running away from the city guard when they come to a forest, and they each decide to hide by climbing a tree.
When the Guardsmen arrive, they go to the first tree where the Halfling is hiding and shout, “We know you’re up there, come down!”
The Halfling, thinking fast, says, “Tweet, tweet, tweet!”
The Guardsmen, thinking that it’s a bird, move on to the next tree where the Gnome is hiding and once again shout, “We know you’re up there, come down!”
The Gnome, thinking fast, says, “Whoo, whoo, whoo!”
The Guardsmen, thinking that it’s an owl, move on to the next tree where the Half-Orc is hiding and once again shout, “We know you’re up there, come down!”
The Half-Orc thinks for a while and then says, “Moo, moo, moo…”

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How many elves does it take to sharpen a sword?
Three: one to sharpen the sword and two to write a song about it so that when the first elf is done, four hundred years later, they’ll remember whose sword it was.